Love is a Subaru if Love is Oil Consumption

Love might be a Subaru; but let me tell you what else is a Subaru: Oil Consumption is a Subaru. 

I’ve had two Subarus.  I loved my first one, even though it couldn’t hold the road for shit, and kept it until I could no longer find any parts for it.  And I do love my low mileage, still a stick, handles great, current one as well; but both guzzle oil in different ways.  

My first Subaru had to have all its seals replaced early on, and even after that, left its mark on many a pavement.  My current one just burns, for now, half a quart of oil straight into the atmosphere every 3,000 miles.  No, earth lovers who’ve bought into the ads of Subarus in the great unexplored, your Subaru is not very good for the environment whether or not it is a lemon like mine.  I bought my car new and it started being thirsty before its first oil change.  “Is this the norm?”, you might ask.  I don’t know; it has been and is with mine.

There actually is a bulletin about this problem with a slew of different Subaru models from 2013 including the 2013 Outback, which mine is.  I found out about the bulletin from my fantastic local mechanic, not from Subaru itself; however, once I did point out this relevant small fact to them, they were straight with me and ran an oil consumption test on my car for months in order to determine the rate at which my car was consuming oil.  What that entailed was me driving the 30 miles to the dealer every 1500 miles or when my low level oil light would come on and not go off, whichever came first. 

The Service manager at the dealership where I got my car has been nothing if not super accommodating to this most infuriating of problems.  Although he is the first in a string of barriers between me and Subaru upper management, he is always pleasant and correct; and all my oil changes and oil additions have been free ever since I bought the car.  Also, although I am here complaining about the lemon I was sold, I have to hand it to Subaru for doing the right thing (within bounds). 

Once it was determined that my car was indeed consuming oil at an “unnatural” rate, they did drop a new short block into my car.  The short block is the part with the cylinders, those from which my car is spewing hydrocarbons into the atmosphere.   Did I use the present tense for the verb “to be” in that last sentence?  Yes, I did and will come back to that; but the week Subaru dropped (I am assuming they did) a new motor into my car, I drove my 30 miles back home happy.  

…But here I am talking about this on Facebook, and I never get on Facebook when I am happy (-; 

New motor or not, I never did remove the quarts of expensive synthetic oil from behind my seat, and it turns out that’s a good thing, since yesterday, about 4,000 miles after Subaru dropped a new engine into my car, my oil consumption light came back on.  I called the Service Manager, and he told me to drive the 30 miles over there to get it checked.  I did, and low and behold, my Outback needed half a quart of oil which I again got for free.  The manager actually (dangerously) asked me if I was sure the light had come on and that the girl at the desk had asked if I even knew what the light looked like.  No, people who have seen me explode before, I did not eat his head off, I smiled southern-like and made a joke, but I can fucking draw that damn light if they want me to. I'll even make them a painting if they like.

The new story now, that a corporation has done all it will do to for the little guy (and really do appreciate what they've done), is that this over-consumption of oil is normal, and that I will have to add half a quart of oil in between oil changes which are to occur every 6,000 miles.  

I do remember distinctly being told, when signing on the dotted line, that because the car required synthetic oil, I would be able to drive 10,000 miles between oil changes –> hah. Now I am told to check my oil every 3,000, or whenever the light comes on, and to add half a quart of miracle synthetic oil when needed.  Moreover, I was actually told that the low level oil light is actually a friendly reminder “as per the manual”.  I checked the manual, and this of course is bullshit; or could be if the manual were actually less vague….

My next car will be electric and not a Subaru; though I certainly will miss having a stick.